I’ve Always Been Here

Carolee Herbert                                                           Arnprior, On

       Carolee was only four years old when her mother left her, a younger brother, and a heart-broken father.
      Her father met, and later remarried, a woman who had a son, and together, they had another child. Growing up in a blended family was very difficult. Leaving home at a young age seemed better to her than living in an angry home. Looking for love in all the wrong places seemed to be the pattern of her life until she married a kind-hearted man in 2006. Still, something was missing….
      In the winter of 2008, Carolee was invited to a Bible study on “The Power of Blessing.” It sounded interesting, so she attended. It was a long eight weeks, filled with the emotions of sadness, anger, and happiness. It also resulted in a tug on her heart to seek the Lord. She started to attend church, sitting in the back listening, crying, praying, and crying some more throughout worship music and sermons. So much emotion needed to come out.
      In September 2009, Carolee decided to attend a women’s conference entitled, “The Bride of Christ” in Oshawa. She found it incredible that Almighty God wanted to woo her and love her as His bride. She had never really felt accepted and valued as a person, and just having someone pray over her and wanting good things to happen to her, was almost more than she could fathom. The last evening, there was a dramatic presentation, depicting the church as a Warrior Bride. Carolee found it, and the whole weekend, overwhelming and emotional.
      On Saturday evening, as she lay down to sleep, exhausted from all the emotional struggles in her heart and mind, she said, “God, I’m just SO tired. Please, just help me go to sleep.” God had other plans however.
     Just as she was drifting off to sleep, there appeared a gigantic light in front of her. She opened her eyes, and all she could see were little stars, so she closed her eyes again. Then a voice spoke to her. “Carolee, I am right here. I have always been here.”
     Wow! Carolee sat up. Was she dreaming? She looked over at her roommates to see if they had heard it. They were sleeping soundly. She started to weep, but said, “God, I need to get to sleep!” She fell into peaceful sleep and the next morning when she awoke, she wondered if it had been real.
      When she told her roommates about it, one of them, who was a pastor, advised her to not downplay what she had seen. “Very few people ever get an experience like that,” she was told.
      The next morning she re-dedicated her life to God. It seemed to have more meaning than ever before.
      Once she got home, she made the conscious decision to follow God completely. She took every opportunity to learn and have fellowship with other believers. She developed a sense of peace in her work, family, and everyday life, that she had never had before. She had always been terrified of death and things she could not control, but that subsided and she felt like she could trust God about them.
     Carolee has also been able to forgive her mother and step-mother for things that happened in her childhood.
     She has remained close to her Dad, and prayer and bible reading have given her the understanding that God does not give anyone more than they can handle. She believes that everything she has been through has made her the person she is today.
     She believes God has a job for her to do, and she has talents she is to use for Him. She is looking and listening for the calling that God is going to direct her to. People who have prayed over her, have told her that she is going to be the “light to her family.”
      Just as God was always been there for her, she wants to always be there for her daughter and available to God for whatever jobs he has for her to do.